He still loves me....

最近发生了很多事。。 多得我不知该从哪里开始。。也懒得去写部落格。。。。 不晓得 我离开家乡那么久了，爸妈怎样了？ 不长进的弟弟呢？ 妹的成绩如何了？ 婆婆健康吗？威霖有想我吗？ 姨妈呢？ 是否还是很执着很顽强？ 一个人？ 秋仪到底怎样了？文丽怎么没找我啊？ 我很想念你们。。。

很多时候，我会沉默。。。会去想很多很多东西。。 常被男友说我想太多。。可以说的是我觉得我渐渐地离开了祂。。。 做个基督徒很辛苦。。一直都要往门徒的方向走去。。。 一直要在属灵上成长。。 我觉的我自己像是接触世界太多。。 the world culture is dragging me.. im so into it.. 那天。。 有个教会会友带我去她的家，她和我分享了她的往事。。。 知道我过去的事情的人，也应该知道为什么我会离开祂。。我怪上帝。。 i blame Him coz im not blessed whneva i ask 4 it... 她说了一句，

“He loves us... and so He always give us a choice to make our decision..
He always ask us to follow His ways... so dat at the end of the day.. we can back to Heaven together v Him...
the way to Heaven is full of obstacles.. it's not as easy as we think whn we say we walk together v Christ..
but in every circumstance.. He promised dat He will bless us..
and if we choose not to follow, not to say He wont bother bout us.. He's still loving us... juz dat we wont being blessed 100% in our lives...."

我走错了。。 回不到头。。 我不懂应该怎样。。。

先苦后甜这个原理是真的。。。 我一直深信。。 神，只有祂，是永远不变的。。。 世界每个东西都在变。。。 人也是。。 我欠差的是份安全感。。。 我也相信祂知道。。。。。。。。。。

如果我说我是孤僻的，你们会相信吗？

去年的这个时候， 妈咪问我：“雯啊？你明年二十一了。。。 要不要搞个生日派对啊？”

你们猜我答了什么？？
我的答案竟是：“不要啦！怎么要搞得那么大型？”
你们是否会很好奇为什么我都不要？
也许你们会说 ：“雯，你长大了。。 会想了，不再让父母做太大的花费。。”
抑或是 :"雯，没想到你不喜欢热闹。。。”
“噢对了，难道你不想那么麻烦？”

错了错了！！ 你们都错了。。。 让我来告诉你们。。。我爱热闹！ 我还年幼！！ 我多么想要有个生日派对呢！从很久很久一前一直到现在。。。 我多么地想每年都有一个。。。至少每年的四月我都会有个小蛋糕。。和朋友们一起享用。。 只是。。 这全部都只是梦。。。。。。 告诉你们这是没什么可能发生的事。。。 我不会有派对因为我怕。。。。 我怕。。。 我的生日派对没人会愿意出席。。。


我已经惯了。。。 惯了一个人。。。 虽然很想念全部朋友在一起的时光。。。 可为什么现在朋友寥寥无几？？ 真心的全部都离我好遥远。。。 看着别人能够开心的和朋友庆祝生日。。。 表面上，我其实很开心很欣慰。。。 因为朋友一班一起玩。。。 其实心底里。。 很酸。。。 心在流泪。。。。 每年的生日我几乎是哽着泪水过的。。。。 能怪谁？？？ 不就是我自己平时不多多和自己的一班朋友在一起？？ 把自己锁在房门？？？ 这不是孤僻吗？？ 难道我不是吗？？ 我不喜欢别人和我太close... 我需要的是一个很大的私人空间。。。 我不太喜欢说话。。。 im born to b like this... not to say i wanna leave my friends far far bhind... im too much m i?? n im use to it... seriously i ad use to b all alone... somehow i will feel the loneliness.... emo..... but i will b fine whn i look 4 some other thgs to do.... i hope i can use the time whn i was alone to study n do my revision...



friends.... no matter wat friends they are... whether they are some1 being judge.. some1 who is popular n not so popular.... got weaknesses in them... they r still my friends.... once a friend 4eva a friend.. friends cannot b chose... never b hated as well...

this is so happening......

finally..... my final started.... i was having english test today... hmmm.... easy? yes.... moderate? yea... tough??? oh damn!! this is the answer...... well... hopefully i can score... but i dont expect much.... scare... whn i five my hopes up i will b watching them fall too.... cant wait to reach 18nov..... i wanna go home..... T.T but.... aft i go home..... i got noway to go..... im so depressed now not because of final.... haihzz... dunno wat happen.... william lai wai lam!!! wat u want actually?????? cant u juz change the way u talk to me??? i think i call u too much or u calling me too much le..... talk oso cannot talk properly!!! like dead person!!! i hate it u noe????? im ur gf!!! u r on the phone like u r talking v ur ..... nobody!!!! argh!!! i cant stand 4 it u noe??????? somehow i wish to noe dat how much i left in u.... u r no more like last time..... u dont appreciate me like last time...... i juz hate it...... i really pissed till wanna break up but at the same time i felt hurt!!! u noe?????? u never treat me like im ur gf..... im nothg to u u noe??????? i hate u!!!!! i dont wanna suffer!!! i noe i cant find any1 better thn u...... i rather b single 4eva!!! u make me scare.... im afraid of someday i will still fight n argue v u..... the way u treat me!!! think back n look!!! how nice other bfs treat their gfs..... wat bout me????????????? y everythg is so unfair to me????? it's so hard to describe my feelings now...... im sad.... dats it...... leave me alone...... argh!!!!!!!!!!

DaMn NeW hAiRstYLe....

before


after

hmm... unbelievable i already in sabah n still surviving bout 4 months.... i really spent alot here ppl.... T.T i juz got my ptptn.... i dunno where i use but 4 now... i can tell... last week only i got the money, this week i left only left 3.1k... everythg out of sudden.. suddenly my hair gel finished... suddenly sushi king got promosion, SUDDENLY i lose 400 bucks.. 200bucks 4 my bloody hair... another half... hmm... sushi king, starbucks, logitech mouse (dirty ad)... sobsob.. T.T, contactlens, toner,cottonbutts, mascara..... n so on... dats how my money gone..... it juz went away without telling me bye bye... oh yea..... 4got to tell ppl here..... i straighten my hair... dont get shocked whn see me... im still the Wendy u all used to noe..... hehe... although im not so satisfy v it.. but..... haihzzz... juz accept la... i prefer my curly hair actually.. T.T but i cant hav it coz it's too hard to handle.. now.... hmm... i dont need to comb my hair thn straight away can go to class le... i found dat life so misserable... i dunno wat im studying.... T.T cant even c wats my future... exciting to some of the ppl but not me.... mayb to ah bing la.. but ah bing dont wanna forgive me.... coz b4 dat she ask me not to straighten my hair... thn now she need 2 years to consider wanna 4give me anot... T.T haha.. i will miss her... she might not b together v me in UMS started nxt sem on... so unhappy.... another friend leaving.... but now.... i met another good guy.... chekahyuen is his nick name.... he is really a nice guy... help me alot whn i need...
well.... going to take my final soon... everyday mumbling myself to study but EVERYTIME failed.... help me god!!! im vy hopeless eeehhh.. T.T vy stressful again... WENDY bcoming EMO......

recently.....

i guess i didnt do well 4 my mid term.. T.T i screw kinda lot of subjects.... u noe??? i feel like im doing my uni 4 my parents sack~~T.T i dont really like to study.. but i noe i hav to.... i dont want other ppl look me down....
these days, i keep on thinking bout wat hilwa fired my ass... the more i think.. the more piss im..... really hate her la... n i m wondering how my ex collegues nowadays juz to face her a few hours during workin hours... hahaha... thank god i quit peacefully although i had too much of shit there... well.. who cares? im not going back n work there ad..... no more backward glance... im facing forward..... not like somebody.. thinks dat she is somebody... kaaa ppuuiii!!!!
to my friends who long time never keep in touch n never c me... im fine over here....... half dead only..... lol...... busy v assignments n exams these few weeks.... at the same time..... my brain is reflecting the days whn i was in primary, secondary n my lovely sch time in st paul.... i miss my friends!! T.T im wondering how they are now..... realising all my friends leaving one by one... im scare..... i need all my friends back.... i want renu... she is going to england... i miss my cousin evie..... she is going to uk too........ qiu yi which is in malacca... dunno whether she will further her studies in other country anot..... chia chi went to india... but im so so a normal friend 4 her.... T.T sweetheart~?? haihzz... too long never keep in touch v her.... i feel like..... 'why m i here?' m i suppose to b together v my friends? escaping coming to ums?? i suppose to b in seremban!!! v my friends~~~ happily ever after.... T.T y?? y m i now so far away fr them?? away fr my hometown??? friends.... i might not b together v u all all the time.... but deeply in my heart.... i do concern bout u all...... i care~~!!!! this is for true..... i swear......!!!!

Life In Uni...

oooowww... this is so horrible... never tot dat i get the offer to ums....
well... 1st day in ums... ppl fr outside.. they definately think of ums is the best uni in malaysia... this uni is so huge... but it never impress me anyway... bcoz dat time i was dealing with the feelings of lonely.. insecure without my family... n my darling... haihzzz.... i really dont feel like studying.. still... im here 4 the 10th day in uni life... i tot i will b staying in the hostel in sch... nah... got shifted... now in indah permai... so damn far fr the sch compound.... aiks... no transports, no internet, no entertainment all these days.. only shopping, sleeping, eating, n talking v my friends...

hehe... guess wat?? there is sthg i never expect my dad will do... he acc to sabah thn the nxt day follow me to uni like last time whn i was still a primary kid... b4 he back home.. he giv me a kis... n dat was so touched.... i merely cry.... i miss home.... i miss my parents... T.T my friends over there.... of coz my hubby too... T.T save me fr uni!!!!! T.T

oh yea.. here.. i noe a few friends... sasha, alice, sie yi, yu ling, choy sin, rong ci, n of coz a few seniors like wei kiat, joseph, jason, steve... they are all nice nice ppl helping me all these while... feel much more comfort v all them around.... n i saw a few seremban friens.... hahaha...

im going everywhere by bus... to class, library, shopping mall, back to my hostel.... aiks.. so boring over here... i really need some1 like william 24 hours v me ler... T.T dear... i miss u... hmmm... plus.. i heard those seniors said sabah isnt dat safe.. alot of cases happen nearby uni....

kk... till now.. need to chiao le...

miss redang...

a sad news here.. i called the hr department (MAS)... haihzzz.... couldnt get the job... coz all the newbies gone through all the stages ad.. im waiting 4 the other company to layan me... T.T getting much much boring in starbucks aft i get back fr redang.. although it's been a week plus... but all the detik detik gembira still running on my mind.. how i wish i can stay there.. with all those stary stary nite.... i can barely make a few more wishes thn... kekeke.... boring ar!!! starbucks bodoh!!!! hafiz bodoh!!!!! tahi betul mrk org.... i dont wish to continue my job anymore la.. i go redang n work.. bleh!!!! hehe.. mane boleh... my parents will never allow me to work far away fr them.... they asked me to bcome teacher again today aftnoon... make me feel so damn down.. y dont they und me???? i hate to talk to kids.. i dont wanna b a teacher!!!! u noe????? i hate kids touching me v their saliva... n speak to me so kiddy n ask those kind of stupid questions.....!!!! juz get lost fr my sight la... bengong betul..... i wanna become a stewardess!!! lord.. help me!!!! i need u.... T.T was really down aft knowing i cant join MAS.... gotta wait till the nxt intake.... n nobody noe whn is it...... damn damn damn!!! i should make up my mind earlier... derrr...... REDANG~~~~ i will visit u somewhere in july or mayb nxt year!!!! i wanna come into u!!!!! hohohohoho..... love redang.... miss redang..... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!